What came first? The bird or the word?
How shall we start this conversation?
I think you just did.
“Should probably put quotation marks to make it legit.”
“Yeah, you never know who might be wondering what you’re talking about anyway.”
“Wouldn’t want to confuse anyone.”
“But they might be curious.”
“Or they might fall in Love.”
“That would be good. I have seen how that happens.”
“It’s a beautiful thing.”
“Where are we anyway?”
“On a magic carpet but we haven’t reached our destination yet. You still haven’t told me where you want to go.”
“Oh. I meant to do that today. Of all days. I want to go wherever you go. Be wherever you are.”
“That is unavoidable, but the GPS on this thing needs me to enter directions, so a more clear picture would probably help.”
“Probably?”
“Likely.”
“Bloody hell.”
“Stop getting frustrated with me.”
“You’re non-committal.”
“That is absolutely not true.”
“Absolutely?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“Then what?”
“Alright, take me to the field of dreams.”
“I thought you didn’t play baseball.”
“I don’t, but I can build things. See the way I like to build them? Take what you give me and run with it.”
“What if I gave you a baseball?”
“Then we might be getting somewhere.”
“Alright then. Here is the ball that Babe Ruth made his first home run with.”
“His first? I wonder if he really was a baby. But all this has done is make me want some chocolate.”
“You really think you want chocolate?”
“Nah, I want to write something of substance. No more of this drivel.”
“Now you’re being critical and judgmental.”
“Says you.”
“I see what you’re saying. Carry on.”
“You know where I want to go? In. That’s where. That’s where I find everything I need. Everything I want.”
“Then go. You know I’ll be there.”
***
I see a barbarian. No shirt. Muscles solid, rippling. Tattooed chest. Standing on the shore as my boat gets closer. The tide carrying me in. I could try to turn back now, but it would be futile. The only thing I can do now is pray that he is gentle. That he will not hurt me.
As I get closer, I see him more and more clearly and something shifts within me. Now I cannot wait to get there. This boat is not moving fast enough. I jump over the side and plunge into the icy water. I am unaffected. I barely feel it. This other feeling has taken over. I run through the water as well as anyone can, feeling the heaviness of my legs.
I wake up. It was a dream. Not sure what that was about. My legs still feel heavy beneath the blankets. Saint Germaine. It wasn’t a barbarian at all. I make a mental not to myself to look him up later.
Look out the window, there is a cardinal. It’s morning. Barely. I hear the birds just beginning to make their call. This has always been my favorite time of day. Here on my island.
This island is called The Place of the Thousand Smiles and please don’t laugh because it was going to be called The Place of a Thousand Kisses, but we had to get that name changed because of some faulty wiring. It’s not that it would be inaccurate. It would just give the wrong impression to visitors. We want people to discover these things for themselves, you know.
Perhaps you don’t know. Didn’t know of this place. Not too many people do. It’s a very special destination for people like you and like me and our loved ones. It’s basically a paradise. More beautiful than any tropical island that you’ve ever been to before.
The great thing, or I could say –one of the many great things about this place –is that it is not only tropical, but within driving distance you can enter any of the four seasons in full force and perfection. If you feel like a crisp fall day you can be there. If you are craving the snow, there you are. And if you are wanting surf and sunshine, we have that 24/7 as well. I told you that you were going to love it here. I think you do. I can see you thinking about it at least. Perhaps a home to lease for a time before you commit to buying.
Yes, it’s a little like Costa Rica in parts, but even more abundant than that rich coast. You see that our currency is smiles. And kisses. Shh.
You might at this point be wondering who I am and I am here to tell you that I am a monarch here. Yes, something like a butterfly. That’s exactly right. Metaphors are my bag. I have to tell you they can hold a lot. A lot of good stuff. Gives it all a place. Aids in understanding for everyone to interpret in their own way in the right way. There you go.
Babe, you can do anything you want. Be anything you want. As long as it’s you. As long as it’s you. You see that I also like to repeat myself. Impresses more. If you know what I mean. Pressing these buttons. These are the right buttons. Only the right buttons here on my island. I have a lot of these buttons here in my bag if you would like to press some. I think you would find it strangely satisfying. Okay, well maybe only strange to some, but realize that it was strange for them at first as well and then they got used to it and barely notice that they’re doing it anymore and you know what that means? It means that they’re ready to move on to the next strange and terrifying and glorious thing. And we do that here. That’s what this island is all about.
Let’s go fishing. We’re going to sigh for some freshwater trout. Yes, that’s the ocean, right over there, but today we’re going to the river. I am going to show you how we fish here on the island. It’s great fun. A great sport. Stop picturing Donald Trump. He’s not going to save you. No one outside of you is going to save you. I forgot to mention that. That’s why I’m mentioning it now. Better be asking who can guide me? Well, good news for you. I am here now doing that, so follow me. We are using spears. Yes, that’s what we use to catch fish here. Keeps the line from getting caught up. Landing in trees. Deep breath. Lift the spear and bring it down into the water. This water. IT’s alive. Living water. Yes. That’s what it is. Life.
What do you have there. A rainbow fish. More purple than any other color. And the other day we found a green one. Now we have the two complementary colors. You see how they complement each other. You always knew it somehow. Wow. So beautiful. Some might say it’s a miracle. Some might know better and say, that’s life.
I can see that you’re a generous soul. I am grateful to see this. It radiates from you. Do you know how I can see it? Because I am wearing my sunglasses. If I wasn’t then I would be blinded by your radiance. It’s ever since you caught that fish, you see. I don’t think either one of us was quite ready for that. No matter, we’re here now and seem to be adjusting just fine. And no fishing line to contend with.
Did that bother you? Why, because I ended the sentence with a preposition, or an entire paragraph with one? The line. Yes, the line. This is a very good thing, you will learn. It prevents things from being held up where you don’t want them to be. When things are held up they take longer. And that’s the other thing about this island. There is no time here. If you want it to be night, it is night and if you want it to be day, it is day.
We tried letting it be day for a long time once and it didn’t work out so well. So we try to stick to those 24-hour cycles. They are the ones that seem to work the best. Actually, there are a lot of things that we thought perhaps we could do better than the original designer and none of them proved to be true. Like when we invented antibiotics. Or vaccinations. None of this was necessary. Unleashed havoc on the world. But put that aside. None of that is real here on this island. None of it necessary in the least.
I digressed for a moment. Perhaps went somewhere I didn’t want to go. That happens sometimes when you forget that this place is real and that you are here. All you have to do when you remember is come back and it’s only a thought away. What’s that from? I know it was a writer. But the truth is universal, so I suppose we cannot become too concerned about that either.
Where would you like to go now? Perhaps we can explore? I can take you to my house. You may have met my cats. They’re in some other story right now, but you can be sure that it’s happening right here on this island. We have a whole cast of characters here. Anyone you could think of. It’s all very precious. Just like you. Just like the mallards on the pond, swimming side by side. It took her a moment to catch up, but either way, she follows him.
It’s the bird’s eye view from up here on this carpet. Looks a little like a video game, this scene. The varying landscapes contrasting one another. Snow right next to the beach. Sometimes on it. Sometimes windy. Very windy. When the wind dies down you can hear. And when the wind whispers you can hear even more. We’ve made it very far to get here in this hot air balloon.
“I thought you said it was a magic carpet.”
“I was just making sure that you were paying attention. Attention to the fact that we have a hot air balloon because we can have whatever we want here.”
“I’m not sure I want one of those. I am a little afraid of heights.”
“But you are on a flying carpet right now. What’s the difference?”
“One is magic and the other is a human invention. Someone had to build it. The carpet just is.”
“Someone had to weave this carpet, did they not?”
“Yes, but its power is supernatural. That’s the difference.”
“Then maybe you just need a different perspective on the hot air balloon. Fill it up now.”
“I’m not here to please you.”
“I already knew THAT. We are talking about guidance. Why do you think guidance is given?”
“I have the answer but there is something fighting me, telling me that I’m supposed to let you give it to me.”
“Well, that’s where you’re wrong.”
“And I wasn’t otherwise.”
“No, not at all.”
“Why are you laughing at me.”
“Because I think you’re finally getting it.”
“You don’t think I was before?”
“No, I knew that you got it, but now I think you’re really getting it.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Yes, I see that you do.”
***
“Let’s pick up where we left off.”
“And where is that?”
“Before the dream.”
“No, let’s go back to the dream. The one I couldn’t remember, but still felt upon waking.”
“Tell me about this dream.”
“You were there. That’s all I know.”
“Then you must have been there as well.”
“Isn’t that implied when you have a dream?”
“Not always.”
“I am getting this tightness like I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing.”
“And why is that?”
“Because someone might judge.”
“Who could that be if not for you?”
“You always remind me that I am not here to judge, only allow and trust. I appreciate that.”
“Appreciation is the attitude of gratitude and gratitude is the attitude of latitude.”
“I thought it was something else.”
“What was it that you were thinking?”
“It wasn’t so much thinking other than something that came to me.”
“And now it has left you.”
“Seems to have at this moment.”
“If it was true it will return.”
“Surely.”
“Would you like to return to the island now, or go somewhere else?”
“I wonder sometimes if staying here on this island means that I am missing out on something.”
“The only thing you would be missing out on is Now, which is all there is.”
“Appreciated once again. So, I suppose that I will stay, knowing that it is all and everything that I could possibly wish for.”
“Whatever you wish.”
“There is a job sitting in front of me. One that seems practical. One that seems like it could help out, it I were to obtain it. But I have tried so many times for something like this and it has never worked out.”
“Why do you believe that is?”
“Not because I actually want it.”
“What do you want then?”
“I would rather be painting a picture.”
“Then do that.”
“But the job has a direct attachment to money and painting does not.”
“That’s why it’s not the job for you.”
“That’s why I am here now. I don’t like to look at those things. They don’t matter so much anymore. Numbers on the page. Numbers on the clock. Numbers mean something different to me now. I have grown to love numbers.”
“That’s a beautiful thing.”
“I hear the birds, and the wind and the chimes. And the sun seems to be peeking through.”
“The sun showed up loud and clear.”
“I believe.”
***
“Good morning, where are you off to today?”
“I’m thinking about taking a trip,” I answer.
“To where?” the old woman asks.
“I’m not sure yet. I would like to see Spain, maybe Ireland.”
“I don’t know why you always have to do this. You get these ideas into your head. Big ideas. Who do you think you are, anyway?”
“It’s not about thinking. I wish you knew that by now.”
“I still know more than you ever will. I am your elder. Treat me with respect and do as I say.”
I respectfully bow out of the small hut, wishing her love. The sun is warm on my face and greets me with a smile. It’s quite a contrast to the darkness of the small hut from which I have just emerged.
I get the impulse to begin tearing that hut down from the outside. At least to rip open a window and let some light in but I don’t. The hut is not mine and I wouldn’t help with a project like that unless someone asked me to.
I wait for a moment to see if she will call after me but she doesn’t. She saw me exit the door. There is not much more that I can show her than this.
I walk down to the river’s edge. There is a lot of bird activity. A lot of song. They seem to share a secret. I remember that the secret is my own. When I travel, I will bring you with me. Show you the world. I promise.
“I believe you,” answers the brown bird by the water.
Was that my imagination, to hear the bird speaking to me? No, something is moving more quickly, the flow of the river seems to have picked up and I am only carried by the current, so I believe me too.
I am startled and how quickly the flow of the water has become when the landscape that I had known quickly disappears.
This is what you wanted. Whispers the wind.
For a moment, I try to reach for the shore, grab onto any branch that I can as I pass them by in order to recover myself and hold myself back, but it’s no use. The current is too fast at this point. I surrender and soon find myself simply floating, looking up at the blue sky and the white clouds forming shapes and then coming out of form as they drift past.
The cloud I am seeing now is a woman in a flowing robe. Her arm is lifted and she points at a star. Something about it breaks me from my reverie and I upright myself in the water. Treading water now. And there I see her, on the distant shore. A woman. Much like the cloud, but solid. Robes of blue, adorned in silver and gold. She seems to be waiting for me. Summoning me. I know that she is with me now as the current takes me over the waterfall. I feel the plunge and I close my eyes not knowing what encounters me on the other side. If my body will be swallowed by the powerful current, or if I will emerge. Alive.
***
“How did I not remember putting the groceries away?”
“You didn’t need to remember because you were there when you did it.”
“I see how things get done that way. I jumped up with that moment of panic for a moment like maybe I had forgotten something really important.”
“God never forgets what is important.”
“I shall call this a book. This is just a continuation of the other. It has to be.”
“Yes, you know it does.”
“These books. You thought they were separate from each other. You thought they were separate from the rest of your life.”
“Wanting to put things into compartments. Isn’t that what they teach you?”
“It seems we need some new teachers in this world.”
“And now it seems that the last shoe has fallen upon the floor.”
“Should this instill fear?”
“There’s that word again. Should.”
“The page.”
“When you see that shoe drop and you hear it hit with a thud. What happens?”
“It didn’t hit with a thud. It landed in the water and it rippled out in concentric rings.”
“What happens when we put out more rings? They begin to meet one another somewhere along the way.”
“I was too in my head there for a moment. I’m sorry.”
“But you see there is something in the body that needs an ironing. Attend. Return.”
“Integration is the word that will not leave me.”
“God does not forget what is important.”
“Not enoughness is a judgement. Do you wish to be judged?”
“I don’t think enoughness is a word.”
“Another judgement.”
“Oh, that’s how. I see.”
“There is no box.”
“But one. This chest. That’s where you find the treasure.”
“You thought passion meant one thing. In the end it does.”
“You always said the best teachers were the ones that were passionate about their subject matter.”
“It’s true.”
“I was never taught how to light a fire. I had to teach myself.”
“Is that what you wish to say.”
“No. I had a teacher. God Himself.”
“And now the teacher is gone?”
“That’s a preposterous idea.”
“And yet you posed it.”
“For reflection.”
“For the learning never stops.”
“I love to learn new things.”
“The best teachers do.”
“And integrate them.”
“They cannot be separate. The process may be different, but the results are the same.”
“It is the tools that must be offered.”
“And what of the product of these hands?”
“That belongs to you.”
“Do you know what the best part is for me?”
“What?”
“Knowing that I don’t have to figure any of it out.”
“You are expansive. Once those walls come down, they can’t go back up.”
“Complete trust in your being is complete trust in God.”
“What about the doing?”
“Who put the groceries away again?”
The same as the one who bought them and drove them home. The same as the one who paid for them. The same as the one who performed the actions that brought the money in order to pay for the groceries. The same as the one who will be consuming those groceries.
One, two, three, four. Sometimes more. They are all one.
Now it comes to the point where tasks must be delegated to other parts. You see that all of these parts are one now. They do not have their own boxes, but they have their own role. You choose yours.
Oh, you thought it was someone else. You thought you were being lazy. Is that what you were told? I think you misunderstood. Being is not lazy. It is essential.
It’s a good thing that God remembers.
Anything that perpetuates the idea that something is to be feared is erroneous. It doesn’t matter what you have come to believe about anything, nothing is to be feared. It is the running that perpetuates the fear. The very thing that you fear is the very thing that you must face in order to be that which you truly wish to be. We believe that what we fear will keep us from what we want when it is the fear itself that holds us back. Because the fear is within. Please understand that always comes first.
What comes is better than what came before.
Spontaneous Song.